Confused!!

I think this is the most frequent word I tend to use these days...Or atleast it crosses my mind way too many times.

I m gonna start my fourth yr engg now...goin to sit for placements...Sounds like a pretty picture doesn it???

well this can be the worse time of ur life i guess most of us go thru this...its the phase where the metamorphosis of a larvae to a butterfly happens...its a natural process..meant to happen.
then why m i fussin n frettin so much...sometimes i hate myself for this...i know the problem n i know the ans...n i still cling on to it...wat a bitch i m...

what i m confused about is...i don want a job...i m not even happy with what m doin...feels like my education is a waste...16yrs...n the wisdom of books...haz been almost zero...i ve only grown as a person...still growin to becum someone..better...it sucks!!..i sometimes don like the way i m...if i don then who will...i wanna be an activist..wanna fight for the women n children of india...who are deprived of so many beautiful momments....who are treated like they were never meant to see this beautiful world...n they are curse which the community is puttin up with....wanna make them see the beautiful world...want them to feel all the happiness i could have....but my dad ...he says only ppl who don have a good family life go for stuff like this.
partly he is rite...u can never keep ur family happy if u wanna dedicate urself fully to this kinda work....but i dunno....i don even think i ll ever meet the one i want....relationships are suppose to teach you...to give u courage to make the next one your ultimate one...so tht u make sure nothing goes wrong...n u live happily...but somehow...i seem to lack all this...all tht i get is insecured...dunno when s the next time he s gonna come up to me n say...i don want u nemore....is it with men this age...tht they give u everythin n then walk away...or is somethin wrong with me....my temper is it???/ i do not know...i don want to know...sometimes i feel like runnin away from the world n hide in this corner where no one knows me...where my past doesn find me....god i m so sad...i don like nethin i did...m so fuckin pessimistic!!!!
here i go again....i guess i shouldn think so much....i ll go play tennis or basket ball toda...tht shud help...i don wan to create my own hell!!

its 2:30 .....n i m not sleepy...at the same time i do not know what to do.
m here in chennai...takin a break n ii should be happy shouldn I....but then somethin happened today i dunno what....i seem to feel low again.

god!!!! y do i get depressed so easily.

there are nice things as well sadness around me...n i am so sick...that i always put these nice things aside and walk towards the dark until i have it....its so infuriatin ...i cry so easily...cry for the stupidest things....but then i m chirpy..bubbly ...what a weird mix, ain ..I.

i m thinkin too much again...will stop rite here.