selfish!

Strip me of it all.

Leave nothing to be taken.

The exorcism i wished for

Did not get less painful

My world looks metamorphic to you

You hate the stats as well

You hate that i expect

But am sad because you expect much more

Don't you know how naked i am now?

Still you want so much more from me

My shame, pride, honour and ego

All laid by your feet to be crushed

I have nothing more to give

I offered myself to you

Looks like it's not enough

I am sorry i have nothing more left to give.

No more worry no more pain to you

No more mean things to say

I will disappear i promise

U won hear a word about me

Not even in whispers

Drowning in sorrow everyday

Tears of pearls which you loathe

Today i have drowned

No more to return

Sorry am being selfish

I love myself too

Less than i love you

I promise

But i have to save myself

Save myself for people who care.

Realisations!!--Love a Potion or Poison?

the past never stops following you..and the future nevr gets brighter. however hard u try to see the sun it never comes to this part of the horizon.it does not wants to bless this barren long forgotten place. 

the more u try to achieve the more ur fears get to you. the more u try to get rid of them the more they engulf you. 

it all doesn happen quick but slowly it comes...and comes for sure. its never late it never fails. its like poison acts slowly on you...happy u are at one momment..and suddenly but slowly the pain gets to u..the poison gushes through ur veins but its effects are slow..killing u each momment bit by bit...so there is no chance to come back...to recover. 

and before u realise u are poisoned its too late.

please don feel sorry...its not killing a good humble person...killing someone who is like an ivy...looks good on ur garden initially but later is a nuisance. only once u get to know her u would understand. there is such hate and darkness in her heart ...she cant love anyone...she cant even feel anything..always lost in her own world.

she had forgotten how poisonous this beautifull feelilng can be....strips u off slowly and then suddenly u are naked, naive and vulnerable....exposed like this to pay for all ur wrong doings..pay for the bad person u are. pay for ur anger pay for ur  loathe and the list is endless....these realisations are not new..everytime she thinks she has her knight in shining armour. she dreams ...dremas tht are not for her..forgetting that the  knight actually comes with a sword a blunt one....tears her apart...bringing out all the evil in her...making her live her hell again..her hell which she fails to mask! her hell which she brings upon her knight...her hell which makes her knight realise- he should bring her back to reality..bring her back to where she  belongs..what she deserves. she deserves no happiness..none at all..she is very dangerous...toxic and has a flammable temper which could kill anyone. 

she should hide somewhere where she could do no harm. she should be locked up somewhere where there is no return..and do u think such a land exists..yes it does..the kingdom of loneliness where no one harms anyone..jus themselves...where they realise they ve been poisoned.  for good never to return!

hmmmm

going to goa again...haha

am i lucky or not???

i got a job
i hate it.

i am writin gre
going abroad
its been a yr
n i still don have my
PASSPORT.

i don have time
i am going to goa

i wanna go home
but i gotta rot in chennai.

and it goes on


don wanna grumble
but sumhow i always do.

Only CHANGES are PERMANENT in LIFE!!

3 months in goa!!! and my life is....lol!!! am doin things i never thot i wud..have learnt to live my life better i guess...may be may be not...anyways why i am here today is cuz i wanna write about the carnival..i wanna write abt raj baug...the swim i had there..the booze i ve fed myself over the past few days...i m still an occassional drinker am gettin hooked on to VODKA and LIME,ORRANGE JUICE and SLICE...liquor hasn got to my head yet...parties till the mornin n my mum not sayin anythin to it..i missed axi a lot at vanilla's (club!!) i missed all my coll friends....music doesn get to u until they are ard,,it doesn make u lose urself until u enjoy everything ard u and dance like no one's watchin!!..i wish they come...i wud love it even more. the beauty of each beach and it doesn tire my eyes to go there again and again..the serenity no one can give u, a serenity which no one take only u take u enjoy!!
cullinary skills..still the same but the my tastebuds get refreshed every now and then....squids, mussels and frogs (called BABO) here..amazin the platter feels yucky to most but i don care ..life is short eat all u can be merry all u can u never know the time u gonna die..tht was a depressing line...but depression and sad things have no space in my head the heart ...may be turned lil bit like solid agar medium...thts influence of worlin with microbiology..anyways let me not wander...MARTIN"S CORNER here is a place to ponder...i think i sound crazy now..i gotta stop..cuz i dunno why..will upload pics soon.

My Knight in Shining Armor

From the moment a little girl understands a fairytale she wants to be Cinderella waiting for her prince charming to come and rescue her. We all want to live this fairytale, thinking someday-someday my knight in shining armor would arrive.

Huh!! It actually happens for the lucky ones!! I sure envy them.

I dream like that too. But alas those dreams remain as such. I almost live them and that’s when I have to pinch myself wakeup to come back to reality. Ouch! Girl it’s not like it seems. Everybody wants to be loved, to be cared for, to be that someone special, to mean the world to someone, my question is does that someone feel the same too. so many ppl have loved me but I failed to see it. I refused to let them enter into my life. I deprived them of me. But was that wrong I cant let everyone enter my life. Everyone can’t be my prince charming!! But will I ever be someone special for the one I love. For the one who I want to be my knight in shining armor. He came into my world as a friend. He took things differently took them somewhere, where I would have needed all my faith to have come back. And when I gave him the chance he did not want it. He wants me to be there as a friend. Why do ppl take you to heights and drop u so hard from there and they don even look back at you. Not bothering would u recover it.

Someone told me let love happen to you until u have enough of it. Every time it happens it strikes me so bad that when I have to bounce back I have to really fight hard. No doubt I have learnt to come back. But I cry I get depressed, I m an emotional fool I cant help it. I don’t know why. Sweet nothings give me immense joy n tiniest of tiny things make me cry.
This time I let it happen to me again not bothering abt what consequences I ll have to bear. And he’s done it to me. Like everybody else. N he hates being compared. I can’t help but compare. Cuz in the end they are all the same.

I love advertisin for Colgate!!

lol!!...i say tht cuz m laughin..smilin havin fun!!

the spicy funfilled life is back..n in a short span of three days!!

started out with the midnight birthday celbrations of one of the girls here....man we made a mess out of her...n there was this guitar n mouth organ among us...tunes were jus floatin n we caught them to make our momments more beautiful...went on till 3.

saturday!! k was leavin i was upset...but then dinner at a beach...oh amazin..live music playin..the bar was the most fascinating thing there....under a rock..a huge rock!!! i explored the peaceful..uninhabited places in goa tht nite...bob marley addin in the effect..i got back at one...

m finnaly gettin used to a no deadline hostel..he he..

sunday!! visited the fort...dch fort...beautiful sunset pictures comin up soon..n vagatour..beautiful..i loved my solitude there..

gOa..The way I seE iT

view from the jetty..

sunset at jetty..