the ist one
this is a new begining for me....bloggin from scratch. don want ppl who know me to read it coz they cant shutup about it and leave me alone.but i confided it to camphor. i trust her to the core.jus told her about it over lunch n probably she ll be readin it tonight. you asked me why capsid??? capsid cause the name appealed to me so did its meanin....although spelt caspid. caspid the PROTECTIVE LAYER of virus. i seem to be buildin up one, dunno what affects its gonna have on me..hopefully positive!! its not a shell....but a coverin. don wanna be a puppet anymore. i keep sayin but i don follow it.
yesterday i got two of my papers, bad marks. although i cleared them ...it wasn worth all the effort i had put in. so i decided over lunch i will stop sports for a while, when i said this to a close freind of mine, she snapped back "its your life do what you want to"...minor statement but major consequences..i got deppressed and sad...cried like i always do.
i jus cudn stop them (my tears) .i felt miserable and alone.past few months and i hv lost every single person i took time to get close to...like the snap of a finger they all dissapeared...i feel alone ...very alone. confided to my mum she says be your own best friend...i m tryin but failin miserably..21 yrs of my life i was like this,difficult to change in a day. but not givin up either. whats troublin me is why cant i get stable n have a good grip over my life...what the hell!! am i doin. its all so crazy
i feel so restless so confused..stranded somewhere in the dark...lost my path,am this wonderer on the road of life ...treadin in a direction i do not know. lookin out desperately for a destination to go to...all i can say to comfort myself is ...girl plz have some PATIENCE.
posted by haz at 11:54 PM
6 Comments:
Yes, I wanted to sit down and type out a "proper" response to all this, but you know what? With all the good food that you put in me, my brain is just about ready to sleep!!
But girl - the protective covering, it is necesary. Or so I believe. One cannot let anything and everything effect you, one cannot give your energy limitlessly. We migth have infinite enegergy, but I, for one, have not tapped into that resource yet.
You know, as far as the thoughtless comments go - they happen. Everyone is wrapped up in their own private world, and nothing will change that.. the only thing that oen can do is believe that no one is truely bad at heart.
Whoever said that, if you really really really needed help, would be there for you. So, hold on to that. These small things ... are almost petty. Let go. :)
Enough lecture, huh?
haz.. sweetie..
me knows its you.
one look and i knew it was u
i love u babe.
i am miserable so i dunno wanna say nice things!
i wish i cud come back.
love ya.
u too camphor
babe.. btw remember who used capsid as the password to all her accounts 2 yrs back!
MEEE!!!!!!!!
and remember how hard we laughed cause it was like Cap Sid. and we knew a sid!!! yur sid!
i miss 306 so badly.
i miss it too babe..it didn strike me you had a password called capsid...don put this blog on ur link ok..plzzz
take care...i was clearin up stuff n guess what i found the birthday card u gave me in first year..i really miss those times babe...wish u were here.
hi
thanks for the comment. First impression i had when i saw ur comment was "here comes a guy who is trying to understand girls"..then saw ur profile.
There was no offence intended...
If you would read my other blogs you would see a lot of difference in the recent blog....because i just tried not to be serious with the blog but at the same time wanted to make the reader feel a general way how a guy thinks
and seriously speaking i did`nt see the anger in your comment. Anyway thanks for the comment.
If you would permit, just want to mention something on ur blog. First congrats on coming into the world of blogs. Second after a "paradise lost" miltion did come up with "paradise regained"
I don`t see your "Crashed Paradise". I see You are strengthening it. I am 25 now but yeah when i was in my second year of college i was feeling similar to what u r going thru. I would say these blogs u`ll cherish after sometime ,may be a year or two as you would learn a lot about people. And when i say you`ll learn about people it starts first with Self. The more and more you look into yourself the more you are uncomfortable at the first attempt.
I am not sure if i am boring you or helping you but yeah if u feel there are friends u hav lost i can tell u i have gained one who can vent her anger even in her comments.
keep posting...and don`t worry too much about ur papers :)
hey jaycee...
thanks it wasn borin...it was nice..like you said strenghthenin it yes, that is exactly my effort thru my blog...if u can ever locate my other blog try readin it..
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